Reflection Blog 2011

Hi Observers,

It’s hard to imagine that only six weeks have passed since I first entered this “Teaching English as a Guided Study” classroom. Indeed, it’s strange to look at my blog and see only five posts. Is that possible? I keep scrolling through them, convinced that I’ve somehow misunderstood the assignment. I whisper to Bethany, sitting to my right, “Only five?” For the amount that I’ve learned this session, surely I should have 100 blog posts, not some measly five (well, six including this one). Bethany gives me a puzzled look, then scrolls through her own. “That’s how many I have,” she says. Now we’re both questioning whether or not we’ve fulfilled the assignment.
The truth is, five is right. It just doesn’t feel like it should be. Today I feel very far away from the girl who walked into this classroom six weeks ago, late, flustered, nervous. I didn’t even really understand the “Key Term” assignment. I knew so little about my future classroom that choosing a key term seemed nearly impossible. I felt there were simultaneously too many options and none at all. I don’t know my class yet, so how can I choose a term for them? It felt like such a strange place to be in, talking about these hypothetical students, imagining what will and won’t work for them. That’s why I used the “one-way mirror” metaphor in my first post. Ultimately, I chose “Classroom Community” because that was what all of my favorite classes in undergrad had: Community.
            When I chose the term, all I knew was that successful classrooms had it and I wanted it. Slowly, I started to break that down into some more manageable pieces: Respect. Accountability. Honesty. Safety. I traced my term through the readings, and once I entered my internship, my hypothetical class at least started to seem a little more real.
            Sometimes, though, I struggled to see my key term in the readings. These readings were heavy, and not necessarily stuff that I’d ever read just for kicks. A lot of it covered concepts that I’d never encountered in my undergraduate career, so I was constantly referencing other sources just to try to understand the one I was supposed to be reading. Sometimes I’d sit down to write my blog and really not want to write about the readings. I’d want to write about my internship or those favorite undergraduate classes of mine. BUT! I found that through rambling in my blog posts, I often came around to my key term and the readings without even realizing it.
            Now I understand that classroom community isn’t something that a class just has. I know it’s something that really has to be worked at and cultivated, nurtured by both students and teacher.

from the mirror,
Claire